I also firsthand experienced the annoyance of people when I refused to provide counseling (or spiritual direction), and instead offered to go with them to the best Counsellor (the Holy Spirit), so they can converse directly.
But in reality, sometimes what is needed would be totally irresponsible for a human to advise ...
... like telling Rahab to stay in her house (which was in the wall of Jericho) on that fateful day when the wall collapsed.
Sometimes only God can say what needs to be said.
So I believe my main aim in giving "spiritual direction" is to get the individual to converse with God about what they came to me for.
It's like the old story ...
... giving a starving person a fishing rod and show them how to fish instead of just one fish to eat.
Another great article Jase. Challenging and encouraging. It has arrived rather timely for me in my spiritual direction training as it’s helped clear some of the mist that has appeared in all the reading I’ve been doing. I can’t believe I’m about to quote Calvin! He said "Nearly all the wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves." Therefore understanding of both appears to be important, it’s not either or, however they are not of equal
importance. I think I’ve realised I have a tendency, I suppose many of us do, to focus on self and dressing some of it up in Christian language. The slow drift from greater union with God to self actualisation. Your questions are helpful scaffolding to keep the order in its rightful place. Thank you.
And I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting to like a quote from Calvin today! 😂
I think you’ve captured the core of things. It’s not God or self—it’s the order that matters. As we come to know God more deeply, we begin to receive ourselves more truthfully. The danger is that self-awareness quietly becomes self-preoccupation, and we end up baptising self-actualisation in Christian language.
I’m so glad the questions have been helpful as scaffolding. That’s exactly what I hoped they would do: to keep drawing us back into Christ, because it’s there that we discover who we really are.
Praying the mist keeps clearing as you continue your spiritual direction training my friend!
Great insights! Thank you for the warnings. From my very limited experience, either party can drag the conversation off-track to talk about self, but it's the spiritual director's role to bring attention back onto Jesus.
You've encouraged me to get back out there. I have questions for you though:
What do you think qualifies a person to be a spiritual director?
How do you feel about people selling their services as a spiritual director?
Thank you. I think you’re right. We can both drift into making the conversation about ourselves. Part of the grace of spiritual direction is that the director keeps gently asking, “Where is Jesus in all of this?” and helps the person return their attention to him. That’s very different from shutting down conversation about ourselves—it’s about discovering ourselves in Christ, not apart from him.
And I’m really glad this has encouraged you to get back out there.
As for your questions… they’re such good ones.
For me, what qualifies someone isn’t primarily a certificate, although good training and supervision really matter. It’s a life that has been deeply formed by Christ over time, someone who has learned to listen to God, to themselves and to others with humility, wisdom and love. The best directors I’ve known never seem to draw attention to themselves. They simply create space where people become more attentive to Jesus.
On charging, I don’t have a problem with it at all. Formation, training and supervision all cost time and money, and people need to make a living. The question for me is never, “Are they paid?” but, “What’s the centre of gravity?” If it’s helping people attend to Christ, wonderful. If it’s building a personal brand/business, that's something else.
You’ve also just given me an idea for another article… so thank you! 😊
I am in formation for Single Consecrated Life and in discernment for ordination to holy orders and in the past 10 years have never paid my Spiritual Director; it is not transactional, there is no time limit or expectation to meet.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm genuinely glad you've had that gift.
I wonder, though, whether we sometimes reduce "transactional" to meaning "financial". Every spiritual direction relationship involves some kind of exchange. In your case, someone is freely giving you their time, attention, prayer, formation and availability. That is still a transaction in the broad sense—it's simply one of generosity rather than money.
The real question isn't whether money changes hands, but whether the relationship is marked by grace, freedom and appropriate boundaries. Some directors are retired or supported by their religious community and can offer direction freely. Others need to make a living and so ask for a contribution. Both can be deeply Christian expressions of the same ministry.
The gift is not that one is paid and the other isn't. The gift is that someone is willing to accompany another person towards Christ.
I'm glad you highlighted the subtle transactional similarities.
My former Spiritual Directors were already in stipendiary ministry so no monetary payment was anticipated. I always travelled to meet them in their parish.
My current SD is a woman who lives an avowed life and is also ordained to holy orders. She is one of the Deans of the national body for religious life in our country - they provide a small budget for her discretionary use.
We live a 5-hour drive away from each other. Sometimes, our meetings are long enough to drink a coffee if we attend the same diocesan event in person, usually by chance! Other times, it is a 20-minute phone call or a 2-hour Zoom meeting. We also communicate via email or text. Usually, I am emailed or posted a text to read ahead of our time together.
With a previous SD, we would drive to a town at a mid-point and I would buy lunch and coffee as a thank you for their time given in their busy schedule.
With Spiritual Direction, sometimes very few words are spoken, or there are long pauses, perhaps stillness and presence...this person walks alongside you to help your discernment and spiritual growth 🌱 These are usually the most deeply powerful and transformative times of self-awareness and noticing where God is gently nudging...
Thanks, well said.
I also firsthand experienced the annoyance of people when I refused to provide counseling (or spiritual direction), and instead offered to go with them to the best Counsellor (the Holy Spirit), so they can converse directly.
But in reality, sometimes what is needed would be totally irresponsible for a human to advise ...
... like telling Rahab to stay in her house (which was in the wall of Jericho) on that fateful day when the wall collapsed.
Sometimes only God can say what needs to be said.
So I believe my main aim in giving "spiritual direction" is to get the individual to converse with God about what they came to me for.
It's like the old story ...
... giving a starving person a fishing rod and show them how to fish instead of just one fish to eat.
Nailed it again, my friend.
Thank you!
Another great article Jase. Challenging and encouraging. It has arrived rather timely for me in my spiritual direction training as it’s helped clear some of the mist that has appeared in all the reading I’ve been doing. I can’t believe I’m about to quote Calvin! He said "Nearly all the wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves." Therefore understanding of both appears to be important, it’s not either or, however they are not of equal
importance. I think I’ve realised I have a tendency, I suppose many of us do, to focus on self and dressing some of it up in Christian language. The slow drift from greater union with God to self actualisation. Your questions are helpful scaffolding to keep the order in its rightful place. Thank you.
And I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting to like a quote from Calvin today! 😂
I think you’ve captured the core of things. It’s not God or self—it’s the order that matters. As we come to know God more deeply, we begin to receive ourselves more truthfully. The danger is that self-awareness quietly becomes self-preoccupation, and we end up baptising self-actualisation in Christian language.
I’m so glad the questions have been helpful as scaffolding. That’s exactly what I hoped they would do: to keep drawing us back into Christ, because it’s there that we discover who we really are.
Praying the mist keeps clearing as you continue your spiritual direction training my friend!
Great insights! Thank you for the warnings. From my very limited experience, either party can drag the conversation off-track to talk about self, but it's the spiritual director's role to bring attention back onto Jesus.
You've encouraged me to get back out there. I have questions for you though:
What do you think qualifies a person to be a spiritual director?
How do you feel about people selling their services as a spiritual director?
Thank you. I think you’re right. We can both drift into making the conversation about ourselves. Part of the grace of spiritual direction is that the director keeps gently asking, “Where is Jesus in all of this?” and helps the person return their attention to him. That’s very different from shutting down conversation about ourselves—it’s about discovering ourselves in Christ, not apart from him.
And I’m really glad this has encouraged you to get back out there.
As for your questions… they’re such good ones.
For me, what qualifies someone isn’t primarily a certificate, although good training and supervision really matter. It’s a life that has been deeply formed by Christ over time, someone who has learned to listen to God, to themselves and to others with humility, wisdom and love. The best directors I’ve known never seem to draw attention to themselves. They simply create space where people become more attentive to Jesus.
On charging, I don’t have a problem with it at all. Formation, training and supervision all cost time and money, and people need to make a living. The question for me is never, “Are they paid?” but, “What’s the centre of gravity?” If it’s helping people attend to Christ, wonderful. If it’s building a personal brand/business, that's something else.
You’ve also just given me an idea for another article… so thank you! 😊
I am in formation for Single Consecrated Life and in discernment for ordination to holy orders and in the past 10 years have never paid my Spiritual Director; it is not transactional, there is no time limit or expectation to meet.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm genuinely glad you've had that gift.
I wonder, though, whether we sometimes reduce "transactional" to meaning "financial". Every spiritual direction relationship involves some kind of exchange. In your case, someone is freely giving you their time, attention, prayer, formation and availability. That is still a transaction in the broad sense—it's simply one of generosity rather than money.
The real question isn't whether money changes hands, but whether the relationship is marked by grace, freedom and appropriate boundaries. Some directors are retired or supported by their religious community and can offer direction freely. Others need to make a living and so ask for a contribution. Both can be deeply Christian expressions of the same ministry.
The gift is not that one is paid and the other isn't. The gift is that someone is willing to accompany another person towards Christ.
I'm glad you highlighted the subtle transactional similarities.
My former Spiritual Directors were already in stipendiary ministry so no monetary payment was anticipated. I always travelled to meet them in their parish.
My current SD is a woman who lives an avowed life and is also ordained to holy orders. She is one of the Deans of the national body for religious life in our country - they provide a small budget for her discretionary use.
We live a 5-hour drive away from each other. Sometimes, our meetings are long enough to drink a coffee if we attend the same diocesan event in person, usually by chance! Other times, it is a 20-minute phone call or a 2-hour Zoom meeting. We also communicate via email or text. Usually, I am emailed or posted a text to read ahead of our time together.
With a previous SD, we would drive to a town at a mid-point and I would buy lunch and coffee as a thank you for their time given in their busy schedule.
With Spiritual Direction, sometimes very few words are spoken, or there are long pauses, perhaps stillness and presence...this person walks alongside you to help your discernment and spiritual growth 🌱 These are usually the most deeply powerful and transformative times of self-awareness and noticing where God is gently nudging...
Sounds like you have received a life-giving and spirit-filled relationship.
I agree with much of your critique but does Christ ever really leave the room? Or do we stop noticing?
Good point. Perhaps both. We stop noticing, and I suspect he moves on where he is not wanted or needed.